Frisky Friday in the realm of the senses

Sight, sound, smell, touch, taste. Writers know the importance of sensory details, how they make a story come to life. Detailed lovers know it, too, how sensual foreplay can make their partners come to life. (And if it takes time for you or your partner to light up, listen up.) Did you know that a woman's skin is ten times more sensitive to touch and pressure than a man's? Women are one huge erogenous zone, so your chances of hitting the spot are excellent. If it weren't for individual differences and preferences. Therein lies the problem, and a whole lot of fun.

Men are said to fall for what they see and women for what they hear. As any man who enjoys a dirty talking dame and any woman who craves visual stimulation will tell you, that's not always the case. Individual differences and preferences, remember? So let's not settle for generalizations, let's broaden the horizons, shall we? Let's explore.

Grab your partner (preferably relaxed) and some time (preferably unlimited/uninterrupted), and make an expedition of it. You don't need a navigator. You have everything you need right in front of you (that would be each other) but you have to pay attention. Your reactions are all the guidance either one of you needs, so keep those minds and senses open and go. Explore. 

Where are we headed again? Intimacy. Arousal. Fun, a teasing good time. Mutual pleasure. A deeper understanding. The sensual world. Watching, tasting, touching, listening to and, yeah, even scenting out your partner. The favorite destinations: where skin is the most sensitive, most responsive to stimulation, i.e. in, on and around the genitalia, the navel, hips and pubic hairline, inner thighs, behind the knees, fingers and toes and the skin in between, the feet, the elbow crook and inner surface of forearms, shoulders, neck and underarms, breasts/chest and nipples, ears and mouth.  Did I forget something? The butt and backbone region?
 
Of course there's no need to limit yourself to these, to what you always do, what someone told you women/men like, or what you think your partner likes because that's what you like. Get off the beaten path. Explore. Get to know the most sensitive zones and their sensitivity and you'll learn the degree of intensity to use. Some areas may require an easy touch, others respond to rougher caresses. Kiss, lick, nibble, bite. Stroke, slap, scratch, tickle, massage.

Use your tongue as you would your fingers and vice versa. Don't just use your lips, use your teeth too, but start off gently, okay? Gauge those reactions. See what your hair does to them when brushed against those sensitive zones, or a hard sharp blow of cool air, or an open-mouthed long and warm breath. Nothing much? Move on. Explore.

Accessorize. Try using a blindfold. Taking out sight is a sure way to sharpen all the other senses. Verbalize. Tell them what you're going to do. Ask them what they want you to do. Then follow through. Watch and learn. A great way to find out what your partner likes and how they like it is to watch them masturbate. Try out sex toys but don't go overboard. (As a rule, intense, rough stimulation desensitizes and you don't want to end up in a vicious cycle where you need an ever-increasing amount of stimulation to get aroused.)

Don't just wonder what this or that or the other would feel like, find out. Boldly stick that tongue or finger where those taste buds or digits haven't gone before, with your partner's consent, naturally, and ask them to return the favor, to touch you where and how you'd like to be touched. Some of your wishes may sound silly or surprising to them. Some of yours may even make them a little squeamish. But if it's not intentionally hurtful or degrading (above all else, respectfulness, okay? you're both supposed to enjoy it, right?), give it a try. Don't be a 5-year-old. Don't say you don't like something if you've never had it. Give it a try and then decide if you want more. What borderline scared you may end up thrilling you. Your former put-off may turn out to be your new turn-on.

You'll never know if you don't go. So go. Watch, listen, smell, feel, taste. Explore. Enjoy.

Frisky Friday, or, in the mood for love

Hello hello, dearest denizens, and welcome to another episode of Frisky Friday! First a recap. So far, we've worked on a loving attitude toward both yourself and your partner. Why? Because what goes around has a tendency of coming around. Positivity is a self-fulfilling prophecy. So is negativity. Which one do you think is more constructive? How about seductive? If you're tense, if s/he's tense, if the whole atmosphere is tense, I doubt you'll be feeling very amorous at the end of the day. 

And that's a shame. I believe a good relationship equals good sex and a satisfactory sex life contributes to a satisfactory relationship. Good. Satisfactory. Not perfect or outstanding or some other silly shit. Every relationship eventually hits a rough patch. But even if you feel you've lost that loving feeling, not all is lost.

Sex is a contact sport and like any athlete will tell you, warming up can make or break a performance. So. How much time do you reserve for foreplay? Thirty minutes? Fifteen? Five? What foreplay; you barely have time for sex?! Buildup, sweetie darlings, what great erotic romances and really nice sex are made of. Enjoying the ride, not just the finish line. Let's forget about the finish line for now and focus on those all-important preparations instead.

As anyone who's ever orgasmed in their sleep will tell you, sex truly is in the brain. Everyone else knows it, too. How hot and bothered you can get just thinking about it. You don't necessarily need physical stimuli, you can run on mental stimulus just fine. My point? You have time for foreplay. You have all the time you need. Don't wait until the last minute, don't wait until the main event, start warming up now! Get a week, five days, even one day of mental foreplay in there and I promise you'll be ready for sex when there's time to have some.

And we're back to attitude, how it makes all the difference. You have to decide, every day, which one you'll be: a dynamo or a torpedo? How you'll talk to your partner, look at them, touch them. I've had time to practice. I've been married for ten years. Yes, consecutively. Yes, to the same man. I've found there's a lot you can do to keep the spark alive. 

It's as simple as a simple, sincere compliment. Not just asking how their day went but listening, too. A passing touch. An unexpected, well-placed kiss. An unexpected, out of place "I love you." The Look, that long, hot, heavy look. A sweet text message out of the blue. Sexting. A whispered promise in the middle of a crowd. Choosing sex over housework. The housework will still be there when you're done but your partner may be long gone on to something completely different when you're done with the lawn or laundry.

Sounds like a holistic approach? It is. It's all foreplay if you want it to be. And I'm happy to report not only does it work, it's a lot of fun. It's a continuous win-win game of two players competing not against each other but together. You can be as crazy busy as they come and still pull it off, I promise. But you have to make a conscious decision. Dynamo or torpedo? For road team or home team?

Your next week's mission, should you choose to accept it, is to work on those powers of seduction, or should I say suggestion. Reach out and touch your partner without laying a finger on them. Surprise them. Surprise yourself. Buildup, babies, buildup. Warming up until you sizzle. And then what? Let's talk about that next week. Same time, same bat-crazy channel. Until then...think sexy thoughts.