Dita Parker

Friday, September 16, 2011

Frisky Friday, or, in the mood for love

Hello hello, dearest denizens, and welcome to another episode of Frisky Friday! First a recap. So far, we've worked on a loving attitude toward both yourself and your partner. Why? Because what goes around has a tendency of coming around. Positivity is a self-fulfilling prophecy. So is negativity. Which one do you think is more constructive? How about seductive? If you're tense, if s/he's tense, if the whole atmosphere is tense, I doubt you'll be feeling very amorous at the end of the day. 

And that's a shame. I believe a good relationship equals good sex and a satisfactory sex life contributes to a satisfactory relationship. Good. Satisfactory. Not perfect or outstanding or some other silly shit. Every relationship eventually hits a rough patch. But even if you feel you've lost that loving feeling, not all is lost.

Sex is a contact sport and like any athlete will tell you, warming up can make or break a performance. So. How much time do you reserve for foreplay? Thirty minutes? Fifteen? Five? What foreplay; you barely have time for sex?! Buildup, sweetie darlings, what great erotic romances and really nice sex are made of. Enjoying the ride, not just the finish line. Let's forget about the finish line for now and focus on those all-important preparations instead.

As anyone who's ever orgasmed in their sleep will tell you, sex truly is in the brain. Everyone else knows it, too. How hot and bothered you can get just thinking about it. You don't necessarily need physical stimuli, you can run on mental stimulus just fine. My point? You have time for foreplay. You have all the time you need. Don't wait until the last minute, don't wait until the main event, start warming up now! Get a week, five days, even one day of mental foreplay in there and I promise you'll be ready for sex when there's time to have some.

And we're back to attitude, how it makes all the difference. You have to decide, every day, which one you'll be: a dynamo or a torpedo? How you'll talk to your partner, look at them, touch them. I've had time to practice. I've been married for ten years. Yes, consecutively. Yes, to the same man. I've found there's a lot you can do to keep the spark alive. 

It's as simple as a simple, sincere compliment. Not just asking how their day went but listening, too. A passing touch. An unexpected, well-placed kiss. An unexpected, out of place "I love you." The Look, that long, hot, heavy look. A sweet text message out of the blue. Sexting. A whispered promise in the middle of a crowd. Choosing sex over housework. The housework will still be there when you're done but your partner may be long gone on to something completely different when you're done with the lawn or laundry.

Sounds like a holistic approach? It is. It's all foreplay if you want it to be. And I'm happy to report not only does it work, it's a lot of fun. It's a continuous win-win game of two players competing not against each other but together. You can be as crazy busy as they come and still pull it off, I promise. But you have to make a conscious decision. Dynamo or torpedo? For road team or home team?

Your next week's mission, should you choose to accept it, is to work on those powers of seduction, or should I say suggestion. Reach out and touch your partner without laying a finger on them. Surprise them. Surprise yourself. Buildup, babies, buildup. Warming up until you sizzle. And then what? Let's talk about that next week. Same time, same bat-crazy channel. Until then...think sexy thoughts.


Nina Pierce said...

The anticipation is half the fun. Great post.

Dita Parker said...

Oh it sure is... Thanks, and another for stopping by!

Ashlyn Chase said...

I totally agree! Sometimes when our lives get hectic, we have to "schedule it in" but instead of feeling badly about that, we simply look forward to it a little longer. It does build the desire.

Dita Parker said...

Right on the money, Ashlyn!

People tend to schedule everything anyway, so why not set aside time for love and sweet lovin'? I think it's a great investment, and it doesn't always require clock and calendar and planning ahead, it only takes a minute and a few well-chosen words to let someone know you're thinking about them.

Naomi Bellina said...

Funny how my true love can remember when I tell him something fun I'd like to do that night, but everything else I tell him goes right out of his mind. It's actually very nice, because I know he's been thinking of me all day. That's one of our favorite forms of foreplay, phone promises.

Dita Parker said...

Selective hearing AND selective thinking?! I like where his head's at. First things first. You can always sort out the rest later, right?

Phones are fun, aren't they? Trying to keep a straight face and not squirm too visibly in your seat, or going all-out when you know there's no one around. But then the waiting...oh my, that's the hardest part.

Thanks for playing, Naomi! And keep up the good work.