Dita Parker

Friday, September 2, 2011

Frisky Friday!

Reader beware: This post contains graphic language, tough questions, tentative answers, clichés reinforced (because they are true), myths busted (because they are untrue), and, for those who make it to the end, homework.

Ladies. If you had to identify your crotch from a photo-lineup, would you be able to? Yes? Maybe, but you're not sure? No, because you've had a look, thank you very much? If you answered Yes, good for you! If you said Maybe, it's time to grab a mirror. If your answer is No, it's definitely time to grab a mirror. 

Oh, you've seen plenty of pussies, you say? They just didn't look anything like yours. They were all so...so photogenic, and...smooth and...glossy. Okay. May I inquire as to the whereabouts of these pussies you've inspected? They weren't tagged XXX or hardcore or something to that effect by any chance? I thought so. But what if they're the norm and you're the anomaly, you ask? That is but a subspecies, I assure you. (And you don't have to take my word for it. Ask Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross or Anna Richardson. Ask a friend. Ask around. The truth is out there.)

The common pussy (vulva vulgaris) found inside most panties should not be compared to its second cousin several times removed. The pornographic pussy is to the vulva as haute couture is to fashion. It's not a standard, it's a concept, a highly idealized concept, and not in a good way. Line them up in an identity parade and it becomes a charade. You can't tell one from the other. Where am I going with this?

Your partner is gearing up for the Sex Olympics and you're thinking The Championships Wobbledon. You're thinking vulva vulgaris and wrinkles and wobbly bits and how best to hide them and draw attention away from them, and when it's time to get busy, that's where your head's at, where you focus your energy. My point being?

Do you expect your partner to be perfect? Physically perfect? Chances are that's not what they expect, either. They're thinking how lovely you look, how much they want you, how lucky they are, not wishing you'd shed a few pounds or visit a beauty surgeon or salon because then, oh, then you'd be perfect. What do I know about it? Let me tell you all about it.

I know plenty. Like close-to-nine-pound-babies-damn-Viking-genes plenty. I didn't lose my figure. I didn't compete with Dolly Parton for the buxomest bosom. Looking at me from behind you never would have guessed I was in the family way. But when I turned, whoa, what are you having, the whole maternity ward? I had this huge pointed belly, like  r e a l l y  out there. And I have the stretch marks to prove it.

The scars have gradually faded but they were an angry red at first and nothing could be done to hide them in a bikini. So I stopped trying and decided to forget about them. I knew, I just knew, that if I didn't keep on keeping on, I would switch the bikinis for a burquini for good. Because I was ashamed. Self-loathing. Scarred. Scared. I didn't want that. I didn't want to be that person. I didn't want to feel that way. I wanted to wear that two-piece. And you know what happened the first time I hit the beach? Nothing. No one stared, barfed or offered their condolences. How liberating was that? It was all in my head, where the inner critic carouses with the Merchants of Discontent.

My body had changed for good, but for a good reason. I saw no reason why my self-image had to change. It's not as if those were the first scars ever. Oh no no, I have plenty to show off and take me back. My body has given me some of the most meaningful, beautiful, fantastic memories and sensations of my entire life. I can only hope so has yours. So why not pay it in kind and be kind to it. Your body is your friend. You only get one. Treat it accordingly, like a fine instrument, not like an object or machine. Certainly not like an enemy. Listen to it. Get to know it. How it works, how it reacts, what it can and can't do. Be merciful. Grateful. Forgiving.

You can decide never to go out in public half-clad, but you can't hide from your partner. And you can't hide from the MoD Squad. The Merchants of Discontent never tire, and the inner critic is loath to shut up. They will do everything in their power to hijack your brain and inject it with a sense of inadequacy. The media, popular culture, fashion...their minions are everywhere. It's up to you to fight back and put them out of commission and you can't do that just by sitting around waiting for it to happen, you have to go after those self-defeating counterproductive thoughts with a hammer and a chisel. If I knew any other way, I would dispense that wisdom now. I, personally, don't. If you're looking for a solution, salvation, you only need to look in the mirror.

And that's exactly what I want you to do. I want you to make peace with at least one insecurity you've convinced yourself you'll carry for life. Maybe you will. But why does it bother you so much? That's what I want you to look at rather than the fictional or factual blemish itself. Kick the bastard to the curb already, grinning ear to ear. Confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac and beauty weapon. It is sexy and it's inspiring. Bottom line: You won't be comfortable with your partner looking at you, all of you, until you're comfortable looking at yourself.

Next week's mission, should you choose to accept it, is to grab a mirror, or settle in front of one, and have a look, then another, and another, until you're intimately familiar with and comfortable looking at your body. It may take more than a week. Some spend a lifetime worrying about these things. You forfeit the right to feel insecure if you don't even know what your body looks like, all of it. That's not you being insecure, that's you being silly, okay? You should, presented with say that vulva lineup, be able to say with pride and confidence: "That's me." The one and only you. And that is more than those cinematic cunts can say.

Until next week then, when we'll be talking about waking up next to a stranger. Same time, same bat-crazy channel. Think sexy thoughts.


Lelani Black said...

Hi Dita! Applauding you for going out there and rocking that 2-piece!

I wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and am happy with what I see. Like you, I realized that this is the only body I'm getting in this lifetime, and it's also given my husband much happiness and joy, so it can't be all bad :) Happy to say I'm immune from reaction to ads filled with air-brushed perfection.

All this media concern and criticism of "skinny" people? We are a nation struggling with juvenile diabetes, and obesity, too. I think you're right. More people need to look in the mirror and work on the beauty-hottie staring back at them :) I also think, as individuals, getting the word out to everyone around us that they are beautiful, inside and out, doesn't hurt at all, either :)

Dita Parker said...

Lelani, you're right on the money. Television, the movie, music and fashion industries, they're filled to capacity with a very narrow view of what is beautiful, but they beat it to the ground with such force and fury, is it any wonder people get confused as to what is really real and what isn't.

And I've heard women, especially young women, comment on themselves saying how awful they look, and I look at them and just want to shake them because there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. And it makes me a little sad too, because they are wasting precious time and energy, and it doesn't lead anywhere.

If the doctor tells you to lose weight or you'll die, you need to do it for the sake of your health. If anyone else says so, you need to flip 'em. And yeah, a compliment never hurt anyone, and it doesn't cost you a thing.

Thanks for stopping by. BTW, you look great.

Lelani Black said...

:) Thank you for the enlightening blog and it was a pleasure to pop in, Dita.

Janice said...

Good for you getting back into the bikini after having a baby.

I have a fifty year old saggy body, yet I look at it everyday after my shower. I don't get any where near a two piece, unless its a tankini.

And yet I am comfortable naked with my hubby, and my hubby is fine looking, touching and being with me.

Dita Parker said...

Janice, comfortable is good, comfortable is key, and it has nothing to do with shape or size, right?

I'm really glad you cherish the skin you live in. Thanks for coming. Have fun with your hubby! =)