Temperature: the police and other authorities must be jumping for joy: 5.5/42 degrees; that’ll curb any inclinations to storm the parks and beaches this Valborg.
Eating: a Walpurgis Night/May Day home picnic. May Day is a public holiday and street carnival, now private and indoors. 🙁 Such is life.
Drinking: whatever goes with our snacks; mead (a May Day staple) and scrumpy (my May Day staple).
Watching: from afar what friends and family are having and how they’re celebrating.
Listening: I’m not crying, you’re crying.
Reading: The Other People by C. J. Tudor. And if you haven’t read her, you should, because her books are horrific (and I mean grippingly good).
Thinking: When oh when do I get to see Wonder Woman 1984? [Or Promising Young Woman? Damn. Double damn!] I’ve loved Wonder Woman in all her incarnations since the age of six, and GG is no exception.
Feeling: That’s not the only thing or person, factual or fictional, I miss. Oh well.
Dita Parker
Thursday, April 30, 2020
Friday, April 24, 2020
Prison break
“Breathe.”
“What?”
“You’re holding your breath. Breathe.”
What? Was I? I was. Lying in bed, trying to sleep, feeling angry and anxious and helpless. Loss, fear, sorrow, rolling in waves. I’m hopeless at helpless, anxious and frightened. They don’t lead anywhere, so I try to channel them into action. But it was time to rest, sleep and recover, not act; so, where do you go, what do you do with those feelings? Apparently, you hold your breath and try not to think or feel a thing until you pass out and wake up and get cracking.
I was trying to get away from the scattered thoughts in my head; bad news I’d gotten from friends; sad news from extended family; will that project ever take flight; so when do they decide on the entrance exam; at least I don’t have to worry about their health, they can’t get sick and die, they’re gone; sour cream! I forgot the sour cream; this is bullshit, the Class of 2020 deserves a party, he has worked so hard, it’s not fair; remember to contact M; should I start with the windows; double-check you did in fact cancel it; it’s embarrassing, we should all be embarrassed we’re living in such idiotic times…and so on and so forth, sweetie darlings. Was my heart racing? No, but my mind was. At the speed of light. I get eerily calm under fire and that allows me to act, but like I said, I was trying to catch some sleep. Did I? Eventually, after some box breathing. Didn’t feel particularly rested in the morning, but I did feel better, on top of things, not like everything was collapsing on me at once.
I’m sure half the planet, maybe more, just feel like escaping; escaping captivity and the feelings it rouses and just feelings in general, and all the negativity and uncertainty and loss and sadness, and the knowledge it’s not your fault but everyone’s responsibility, but you have so much going on already or everything you’ve worked for is gone, and you didn’t do anything wrong at home or school or at work so how is this fair, how is any of this fair, who do we blame and who will fix this, will someone just please fix this…and so on and so forth, dearest denizens. Doesn’t lead anywhere, that train of thought, does it? But here we are, riding it, whether we want to or not.
What do you do to escape those thoughts and feelings, your imprisonment? Do you consume or do you create? (I hope you’re doing a bit of both!) Read or re-read the classics? Poetry or essays? Do you listen to music or podcasts? Garden, exercise, bake, work on home improvement, work on personal improvement, dance, sing, paint, sketch, write? Take virtual museum tours, VR city tours, watch movies, series? Some feel bad not being more proactive and productive. Don’t! There is nothing escapist in escaping into beautiful landscapes (virtual or real life), memories and photos, good music, comfort food, favorite movies and stories. After all, corona is not all there is; doing something soothing, thoughts, hopes and dreams of something else put things into perspective; this too shall pass; I won’t feel like this forever. And if and when you go all-in escape mode…that’s what you need in that moment. We all escape from time to time. No one can bear the weight of the world all day every day; you’d crumble, lose your mind and ability to function.
I hear the young ones planning all the things they’ll do when they’re free to. I think about all the people locked up in their homes, feeling stressed out and uncertain, maybe even afraid. I hope everyone finds a means to escape when they need it. And remember:
The knob is on this side
The knob is on this side
The knob is still on this side of the door.
“What?”
“You’re holding your breath. Breathe.”
What? Was I? I was. Lying in bed, trying to sleep, feeling angry and anxious and helpless. Loss, fear, sorrow, rolling in waves. I’m hopeless at helpless, anxious and frightened. They don’t lead anywhere, so I try to channel them into action. But it was time to rest, sleep and recover, not act; so, where do you go, what do you do with those feelings? Apparently, you hold your breath and try not to think or feel a thing until you pass out and wake up and get cracking.
I was trying to get away from the scattered thoughts in my head; bad news I’d gotten from friends; sad news from extended family; will that project ever take flight; so when do they decide on the entrance exam; at least I don’t have to worry about their health, they can’t get sick and die, they’re gone; sour cream! I forgot the sour cream; this is bullshit, the Class of 2020 deserves a party, he has worked so hard, it’s not fair; remember to contact M; should I start with the windows; double-check you did in fact cancel it; it’s embarrassing, we should all be embarrassed we’re living in such idiotic times…and so on and so forth, sweetie darlings. Was my heart racing? No, but my mind was. At the speed of light. I get eerily calm under fire and that allows me to act, but like I said, I was trying to catch some sleep. Did I? Eventually, after some box breathing. Didn’t feel particularly rested in the morning, but I did feel better, on top of things, not like everything was collapsing on me at once.
I’m sure half the planet, maybe more, just feel like escaping; escaping captivity and the feelings it rouses and just feelings in general, and all the negativity and uncertainty and loss and sadness, and the knowledge it’s not your fault but everyone’s responsibility, but you have so much going on already or everything you’ve worked for is gone, and you didn’t do anything wrong at home or school or at work so how is this fair, how is any of this fair, who do we blame and who will fix this, will someone just please fix this…and so on and so forth, dearest denizens. Doesn’t lead anywhere, that train of thought, does it? But here we are, riding it, whether we want to or not.
What do you do to escape those thoughts and feelings, your imprisonment? Do you consume or do you create? (I hope you’re doing a bit of both!) Read or re-read the classics? Poetry or essays? Do you listen to music or podcasts? Garden, exercise, bake, work on home improvement, work on personal improvement, dance, sing, paint, sketch, write? Take virtual museum tours, VR city tours, watch movies, series? Some feel bad not being more proactive and productive. Don’t! There is nothing escapist in escaping into beautiful landscapes (virtual or real life), memories and photos, good music, comfort food, favorite movies and stories. After all, corona is not all there is; doing something soothing, thoughts, hopes and dreams of something else put things into perspective; this too shall pass; I won’t feel like this forever. And if and when you go all-in escape mode…that’s what you need in that moment. We all escape from time to time. No one can bear the weight of the world all day every day; you’d crumble, lose your mind and ability to function.
I hear the young ones planning all the things they’ll do when they’re free to. I think about all the people locked up in their homes, feeling stressed out and uncertain, maybe even afraid. I hope everyone finds a means to escape when they need it. And remember:
The knob is on this side
The knob is on this side
The knob is still on this side of the door.
Sunday, April 19, 2020
Tuesday, April 14, 2020
Monday, April 6, 2020
Let's be careful out there
Temperature: a sunny 13/56 degrees. About to step out to enjoy it because Easter looks brrrhh. I’ll keep to the garden, promise.
Eating: whatever the youngest is cooking for home economics.
Drinking: not the example I want to set right now, but of course a drink is the only sensible course of action every now and then. I’ll let the kids figure that out for themselves, though.
Watching: spring evolve.
Listening: The “prepper nation of the Nordics” proudly presents The Lahti Symphony Orchestra proudly presenting Finlandia, Op. 26, by Jean Sibelius.
Reading: an email telling me my next project has been postponed.
Thinking: we are all being stress-tested. Our governments, our national institutions, our international organizations, our workplaces, our relationships; our will, spirit and resilience.
Feeling: How do we get through this? One day and hurdle at a time. Be well, sweetie darlings, wherever you are.
Eating: whatever the youngest is cooking for home economics.
Drinking: not the example I want to set right now, but of course a drink is the only sensible course of action every now and then. I’ll let the kids figure that out for themselves, though.
Watching: spring evolve.
Listening: The “prepper nation of the Nordics” proudly presents The Lahti Symphony Orchestra proudly presenting Finlandia, Op. 26, by Jean Sibelius.
Reading: an email telling me my next project has been postponed.
Thinking: we are all being stress-tested. Our governments, our national institutions, our international organizations, our workplaces, our relationships; our will, spirit and resilience.
Feeling: How do we get through this? One day and hurdle at a time. Be well, sweetie darlings, wherever you are.
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