#MeToo has prompted countless men to ask their mothers, sisters, wives and friends if it's really as bad as they've heard, if all women have been harassed at some point. Say it ain't so. Can't, because it is.
Every single woman I know has been sexually harassed at some point. I've been hugged and kissed against my will. A stranger has groped my breasts, crotch, butt. I've been pushed against a wall while a man put his hands all over me as his friends egged him on and laughed. (Several people witnessed my distress as they walked by. And kept walking.) A man has torn at my clothes trying to rip my top off. (He spat me in the face when I told him off.) Strangers have assessed and commented on every part of my body. Asked for sex. Demanded sex. Tried to buy sex. Tried to force me into having sex. Implied rape.
Did I say or do anything? On several occasions. Did it make things worse? Every time. When women stop saying or doing anything, or never even dare to, it's because they know (or know that for someone) it only means more violence, verbal and/or physical. And when you're faced with someone much bigger and meaner than you are, a stranger or acquaintance, boyfriend or husband, whose current state of mind or history or sudden impulses you can only begin to guess, you're not looking for a witty or hurtful retort but a way out, preferably unscathed.
A male friend once wondered out loud how come the statistics aren't reversed, all things considered. Why aren't women killing men and not the other way around. In retribution. In self-defense. As a pre-emptive measure when the violence starts/escalates. I can't speak for all women, but I don't want a war. I don't want violence or vitriol. Or revenge. It doesn't help those men conquer their demons or stop what they're doing. It doesn't solve the problem. Yes all women, but not all men. Some men. I hate what those men did to me, not men in general. I have feared for my safety, even my life, but for every man that hurt me or humiliated me there are ten who would never ever do that to me, or any woman, who detest those men and their actions just as fiercely as I do.
Women of my mother's and grandmother's generation were told to suck it up. Boys will be boys, men are men, and women just had to grin and bear, smile and laugh along. Those who kicked a fuss were only asking for trouble, professionally and personally, so I've been told. Women were told to take it in stride/let it go/develop a sense of humor/think about their jobs and their future...and when they did take it up with the boss what the boss did in most cases was absolutely nothing, or s/he told them to take it in stride/let it go/develop a sense of humor/think about their jobs and their future...
So that's one reason it has taken so long, in case you've been wondering. No effect, no consequences, no comeuppance. If there was, it was usually felt by the girl/woman who dared cry foul. No more. Time's up. Time to stop shrugging it off, making excuses, protecting perpetrators, blaming the victim.
It's absurd to even have to say this, but I don't exist for a man's pleasure or entertainment. No one is entitled to my body. I'm not obligated to let men touch me when they feel like it, or take sexist shit from anyone. No woman is. But that's how we feel at times, too many times over the course of our lives. Like objects. Things. Public property.
Men know this. They know the difference between a sincere compliment (something you wouldn't mind men saying to a female friend or family member) and sheer crudeness (something you would definitely mind men saying to a female friend or family member). They know the difference between forced and consensual. They know the meaning of the word 'no'. Those who don't know? They deserve no pity or protection, they are responsible for their words and actions, and everything that follows.
This is not a war on men. Women don't want revenge. We want justice. Equality. Equal pay, equal opportunity. We want to be heard, taken seriously, believed when after perhaps decades of shame, pain and silence we dare utter the words, "You hurt me, viciously. I don't know why, and I can't forget. But I am not responsible for your words, actions or impulses, you are."
The times they are a-changing. Slowly but irreversibly. Finally.
