Whenever, wherever

“What happened to your voice?”
“We did some talking. Okay, a lot.”
“Yeah, I remember,” he said, shaking his head, thinking about the last time she visited with us.

Where have I been? Busy. And in the garden. ‘Tis the season to plant and propagate and move things around and move outdoors. And wish it was a bit warmer. When it’s not a dry spring it’s a rainy one, thank you climate crisis, and there’s no telling what summer will look like, not yet.

And I went to see a friend I’ve known since the 7th grade, the only school year we shared, the only time we lived in the same place at the same time. And yet we’ve managed to stay in touch, through letters and postcards and phone calls at first, the few and far between trips to wherever the other happened to be living at the time, through uni and different jobs and different partners and new babies and new neighborhoods. That’s how deeply we connected at the tender age of thirteen. Kindred spirits, sweetie darlings.

Doesn’t matter how much time has passed, we just pick up where we left off. No awkwardness, no effort. I think I gained five pounds in those 72 quite intense hours, she is an amazing cook, and that last glass of wine ruined my sleep but no regrets, and apologies to the neighbors, there really were just two of us in the living room, not ten people singing and dancing and laughing. And crying. The good, the bad, and the ugly; no taboos.

I’m still pooped but so happy I got to see her again, live, it’s been a while. I hope you have someone like that in your life, dearest denizens, and if you don’t, I hope you find someone like that in time. Like all loving relationships, this will end in tears. Some day the last time we met will be the last time we met. And yet I think what I’ll remember best is her smile and her laugh. Not because her life has been carefree, it really hasn’t, but because despite everything that has happened, she never gave up on herself or others or life. She is loud and proud. She is kind and hearty. She is my true-blue friend, someone I’ll love, admire and respect till death do us part.

Oh life. Dear life. Look after her, dear universe, you hear?

And goodbye May! Everyone ready for June?

Insieme

Temperature: a sunny but windy 15/59 degrees.

Eating: Just how much indignity and degradation are women supposed to stomach in this world?

Drinking: to Finland and Sweden joining NATO. Maybe we should toast Vladimir Putlerini as well, he did give us the shot in the arm by sending the Russian army to shoot, bomb, rape and pillage his neighbors. Everything changed on February 24, and that’s on him.

Listening: to something old, something new, something borrowed and something melancholy and blue…it’s the Eurovision Song Contest! Douze points to those singing in something other than English. No French this year? Dommage, but dix points to Breton being heard (a Celtic language, you know; France 3 Bretagne will provide commentary in Breton in the Grand Final on Saturday, which is awesome; and the Finnish Broadcasting Company YLE will provide Sámi-language commentary, which is brilliant).

Watching: the rise of Gilead, where functioning ovaries and a healthy uterus become property of the state; where if you have said ovaries and uterus, you will not possess bodily autonomy; where you will have the responsibilities of an adult but not the rights of one; where if you get pregnant, you will be forced to give birth; where the state owns your reproductive bits but owes you neither maternal care, paid maternity leave nor childcare; where you can’t get an abortion but neither do you get help and advice avoiding an unwanted pregnancy in the first place; where it’s back to sex for reproduction; where enjoying sex becomes impossible with having to fear an unintended and unwanted pregnancy no matter your contraception; where a child is a gift when planned but a punishment when not, punishment for having had sex for fun and pleasure, in which case you deserve said punishment in the form of a child to always remind you that you are here to breed, bitch, breed. You are a beast of burden. You are a slave. A thing. Property. And they say no one can take away your dignity, your inherent self-worth, but it sure as hell feels like there are people out there doing their level best to do just that. Dehumanize. Debase. Reduce us to an object.

Reading: that if we tolerate this, more will follow. And don’t you dare claim that’s alarmist, hysterical or paranoid talk and behavior because that would be patronizing BS and turns out the hysterical and paranoid alarmists have been right all along in their mistrustful and feverish sounding of alarms. Sharia laws by any other name are still state-sanctioned subjugation.

Writing: back and forth with friends and family, friends and family who all happen to possess ovaries and a uterus, which would categorize them as second-class citizens to be dominated and dictated to. The children growing up in these families will be treated according to what’s under their underwear: found testes, congratulations, you are free, autonomous; oh, ovaries, sorry, you are not. There are rights and then there are women’s rights, and those are negotiable and mutable, because apparently human rights don’t apply to the women and girls of this world. Can you imagine the uproar the proposal of a vasectomy for all boys would cause? That would guarantee a pregnancy- (but not STD-) free sex life, it could be reversed when you were ready and able to start a family, and it would cost a fraction of what now goes into everything having to do with contraception and maternal and child care. No? Too…invasive? You can’t regulate a human body like that? On that we agree, my friend. Mask and vaccine mandates were out of the question. Because self-determination! Bodily autonomy!! Abortion? Breed, bitches, breed.

Thinking: What do you think that does to someone’s self-worth? To how boys and young men view girls and young women? To how girls and young women see themselves? What does that teach? What kind of message does that convey? Is there not enough gender inequality as it is? Is life not difficult, demeaning, dangerous enough for women and girls as it is, on a global level, still? You want to go and add to that, after all the progress made? You want to give ammunition to the likes of Xi and Putin who love to highlight every deficiency in democracy? No, of course they offer no real alternative, but they do use every opportunity to point out that more democracy does not necessarily equal more freedom. So don’t ask for rights and don’t ask for freedom, it will only hurt. Do as you are told. Breed, bitches, breed.

Feeling: Still furious. Still determined. Still incredulous and heartbroken. Not your bitch, not your toy, you regressive, repressive hypocrites.

Frantic

Hi, sweetie darlings. How are you today? How are you, period, with all that is going on in the world, with all that is going on within us every day? I’m feeling a little unsettled. I’m feeling a little unwell.

FURIOUS

small

Determined

Tyrannized

Incredulous

Heartbroken 

Unsafe