Hysteria!

This ought to be good, I thought when I first heard about this a year ago. A romantic comedy set in Victorian England, based on fact, about the invention of the vibrator. The movie Hysteria generated quite a buzz (pun int.) when it debuted at this year's Toronto Film Festival, and frankly, the history of motorized sex aids is pretty hysterical.

In the bad old days a lady didn't enjoy sex. Let me rephrase that. A lady was not supposed to enjoy sex. Sex was for procreational not recreational purposes, the act of intercourse leading to male climax. Female pleasure was beside the point since according to general wisdom women didn't suffer from sex drive. Except they did. Women exhibiting symptoms such as nervousness, insomnia, heaviness in the abdomen and lower pelvic edema, erotic fantasies and vaginal lubrication were diagnosed with "hysteria," after the Greek word for the womb, hysteros, a condition resulting from congestion of the reproductive system.

Sounds like acute if not chronic arousal to me. The cure provided to free women from this awful blockage: orgasms, or "hysterical paroxysm" as they were called as not to imply sexual desire and release. It was just what the doctor ordered and, incidentally, administered, too. Being treated for hysteria meant getting yourself to the doctor and letting him get you off.

It was hard manual labor. So hard that physicians used everything from wind-up vibrators and midwives as masseuses to ascending douches and pneumatic equipment for assistance. You bet those poor medicine men welcomed the age of electricity with open albeit tired arms. So. Before there were electrically powered irons or vacuum cleaners, there were vibrators, or "manipulators." Before long, women didn't need to bother with doctors appointments, they could treat themselves at home. The massager was a labor-saving household appliance like any other, widely advertised in magazines such as Good Housekeeping and sold at Sears. It was a health aid not to be confused or associated with masturbation. At least not publicly.

Along came the moving pictures with pornographic movies in tow. The minute vibrators showed up in the flesh flicks of the 1930's they were given a bad name, and women wanting or using one suddenly became infamous. Vibrators practically disappeared. Until 1952, when the American Psychiatric Association declared hysteria was not a clinical condition and knocked it off the list of mental illnesses.

It would take another decade for vibrators to re-emerge. Despite the sexual revolution, reservations, guilt and the stigma of sin and mental disease lingered, and most women wouldn't set foot in a sex shop. Vibrators were something men gave as naughty gifts to their partners and the designs of the decade reflect what men thought women wanted: the bigger the better.

It would take a few decades more for the "delightful companion" to establish itself as the fun and safe way to satisfy yourself and your partner, and another invention, the Internet, for the female market for vibrators to explode. The monster phalluses are still out there, but so is a wide array of other pleasurable paraphernalia women can browse at will and shop discreetly, if they so wish, online.

So whoever did invent the Internet, thank you. Thank you, Betty Dodson. And thank you, weak-wristed doctors of the 1880's. We sure are glad to be rid of the disease, and elated the treatment survived the cure. 

For a glimpse at some forty vintage vibrators, visit the Science Museum in London. For some personal or mutual pleasure, visit your local sex shop or one of the many adult toy stores to be found on the Internet. Some suggestions from around the world and the www:

Adam & Eve
Babeland
Canadian Sex Toys
Discreet-Romance
EdenFantasys
Liberator
Lovehoney
Love Shack Canada
MasalaToys
Matildas 
MyPleasure
SexShop365
Sex Toys 
Wild Secrets

I'm not affiliated with any of these companies, I'm only here to help. Until next week, dearest denizens! Keep buzzing, and keep thinking sexy thoughts.

Wow

I just lost today's blog post. The whole post. Wow. A whole morning's worth of writing. I was working on the draft I had saved (in Blogger), I was going to add some links at the end of my post, and managed to delete the whole post, and before I could go back to the draft, Blogger kindly saved the changes for me, i.e. the blank page, which is all I have left of today's blog post on the invention of the vibrator. The title and a blank page. Wow.

I'm going to scream now. And then I'm going to go kill the heavy bag. Cry in the shower. Have some lunch. Take out all my notes and start over. I'm sorry your trip here was wasted. I'm an idiot. Id-i-ot. Come back tomorrow, you hear. This week's Frisky Friday just turned into a Smexy Saturday.

Love it or leave it

What's that smell? Can you smell that? Does anyone else smell megamarketing? Anyone feeling like a marketing tool? Or simply a tool?

At the risk of sounding cynical, I submit to you that most everybody is selling something on Facebook. Their brand, their personality, their view of the world, their passions, something that says something about who they are and what they're all about. That's fine by me. But from the very beginning I've felt that Fb is something someone created in their own image and everybody else has to adjust their image accordingly. Fit the circumstances, make do. It's the Fb way or the highway.

Now the highway is growing in width. It's growing in reach and going places it hasn't gone before. And we're being taken along for the ride. For a ride. At least that's how many users feel like. That if it's been hard to control your privacy from the get-go, it's becoming almost impossible. Will every page you visit somehow connected to Fb soon follow, record and telegraph your every move, automatically, unless you take certain steps to prevent it from doing so? What if you forget? Forget to log out, clear cache, cookies, history? Exit browser? Switch browser? Switch computer? It makes me feel quite paranoid just thinking about it.

Will all be revealed? I don't know of a soul who would want to share every single click with the rest of the world. What's the matter? Got something to hide? Oh everyone has their guilty pleasures and morbid fascinations. And everyone has a right to privacy. And yes, some have connections, secrets and associations to safeguard. They shouldn't be public by default. My toys aren't your property even if you own the playground.

I probably got it all wrong. Misconstrued poor Mark, misunderstood the altruistic intentions, blew the marketing thing way out of proportion. But you know what I'm thinking? If it's not like that, why does it feel like that? Should innocent fun and sincere networking make you uneasy, feel like this much work, like trouble? Wanna know what else I think? I'm gonna say it anyway. That bearded German might have missed the mark every now and then but he was on to something with the reification stuff. We'll not only sell our brand on Fb. That ship has already sailed. We'll each and every one of us be a fleet marketing an armada of stuff without thinking twice about it. (I for one can't stop thinking about it). And we're gonna do it for free.

This is bad

Baaad bad bad, sweetie darlings. According to a multinational study, which released just in time for World Contraception Day, unprotected sex is on the rise and access to and knowledge about contraception is going the way of...of...someone or something that doesn't give a shit about the welfare of others.

Clueless or Clued Up: your right to be informed about contraception reports that the number of youngsters having unprotected sex with a new partner has increased by 19% in Britain, 39% in the US, and a staggering 111% in France (in the last three years). Unplanned pregnancies and myths about surefire methods after the fact abound, as do abortions and STIs. 

The fact that "young people are telling us they are not receiving enough sex education or the wrong type of information about sex and sexuality," (said Jennifer Woodside, spokeswoman for the International Planned Parenthood) isn't helping. "How can young people make decisions that are right for them and protect them from unwanted pregnancy and STIs, if we do not empower them and enable them to acquire the skills they need to make those choices?"

That's a very good question. I know a very poor answer. Let's tell them to stop doing it and then pretend they're not doing it. Come on. It's not what kids know that gets them into trouble, it's everything they don't.

Frisky Friday in the realm of the senses

Sight, sound, smell, touch, taste. Writers know the importance of sensory details, how they make a story come to life. Detailed lovers know it, too, how sensual foreplay can make their partners come to life. (And if it takes time for you or your partner to light up, listen up.) Did you know that a woman's skin is ten times more sensitive to touch and pressure than a man's? Women are one huge erogenous zone, so your chances of hitting the spot are excellent. If it weren't for individual differences and preferences. Therein lies the problem, and a whole lot of fun.

Men are said to fall for what they see and women for what they hear. As any man who enjoys a dirty talking dame and any woman who craves visual stimulation will tell you, that's not always the case. Individual differences and preferences, remember? So let's not settle for generalizations, let's broaden the horizons, shall we? Let's explore.

Grab your partner (preferably relaxed) and some time (preferably unlimited/uninterrupted), and make an expedition of it. You don't need a navigator. You have everything you need right in front of you (that would be each other) but you have to pay attention. Your reactions are all the guidance either one of you needs, so keep those minds and senses open and go. Explore. 

Where are we headed again? Intimacy. Arousal. Fun, a teasing good time. Mutual pleasure. A deeper understanding. The sensual world. Watching, tasting, touching, listening to and, yeah, even scenting out your partner. The favorite destinations: where skin is the most sensitive, most responsive to stimulation, i.e. in, on and around the genitalia, the navel, hips and pubic hairline, inner thighs, behind the knees, fingers and toes and the skin in between, the feet, the elbow crook and inner surface of forearms, shoulders, neck and underarms, breasts/chest and nipples, ears and mouth.  Did I forget something? The butt and backbone region?
 
Of course there's no need to limit yourself to these, to what you always do, what someone told you women/men like, or what you think your partner likes because that's what you like. Get off the beaten path. Explore. Get to know the most sensitive zones and their sensitivity and you'll learn the degree of intensity to use. Some areas may require an easy touch, others respond to rougher caresses. Kiss, lick, nibble, bite. Stroke, slap, scratch, tickle, massage.

Use your tongue as you would your fingers and vice versa. Don't just use your lips, use your teeth too, but start off gently, okay? Gauge those reactions. See what your hair does to them when brushed against those sensitive zones, or a hard sharp blow of cool air, or an open-mouthed long and warm breath. Nothing much? Move on. Explore.

Accessorize. Try using a blindfold. Taking out sight is a sure way to sharpen all the other senses. Verbalize. Tell them what you're going to do. Ask them what they want you to do. Then follow through. Watch and learn. A great way to find out what your partner likes and how they like it is to watch them masturbate. Try out sex toys but don't go overboard. (As a rule, intense, rough stimulation desensitizes and you don't want to end up in a vicious cycle where you need an ever-increasing amount of stimulation to get aroused.)

Don't just wonder what this or that or the other would feel like, find out. Boldly stick that tongue or finger where those taste buds or digits haven't gone before, with your partner's consent, naturally, and ask them to return the favor, to touch you where and how you'd like to be touched. Some of your wishes may sound silly or surprising to them. Some of yours may even make them a little squeamish. But if it's not intentionally hurtful or degrading (above all else, respectfulness, okay? you're both supposed to enjoy it, right?), give it a try. Don't be a 5-year-old. Don't say you don't like something if you've never had it. Give it a try and then decide if you want more. What borderline scared you may end up thrilling you. Your former put-off may turn out to be your new turn-on.

You'll never know if you don't go. So go. Watch, listen, smell, feel, taste. Explore. Enjoy.