I recently found out that someone I’ve known for 20+ years had been close by for a considerable amount of time without making contact. We’ve been separated by geography for years now, and have seen each other a mere handful of times over the past ten years. But modern tech provides all the tools we need to keep in touch, and I have tried to keep the lines open, but the lines have grown quieter and quieter over the years. There’s work and family and probably a host of things I don’t know about. And that’s okay.
Friendships shouldn’t be forced, ever. What brings and glues people together sometimes stops applying. Timetables conflict. Lifestyles conflict. Foundations crumble or were never that solid to begin with. And we are two very private, self-sufficient girls in an awfully public, self-aggrandizing world, not prone to splashing our daily life out in the open for the other to track. That’s a conscious, personal choice that comes with a price: make the effort one-on-one or risk losing touch. But…not a single call or email, no attempt to touch base. Nothing. She obviously didn’t feel the need to. And I guess it’s none of my business why. Having said that, is it petty of me to feel dismayed? Friendships are rewarding and enriching. They are also time-consuming and sometimes one-sided. I didn’t feel ours was either.
Maybe we just lacked that zing, that magic ingredient that allows you to pick up where you left off eons ago? We didn’t have that, did we? Time and space managed to do damage. We weren’t invested enough to take care of repairs. I still hope you’re happy, whatever makes you happy these days. I hope your children thrive; they always seemed as delightful and insightful as their mom. I hope you stay safe and curious. And I hope freedom doesn’t become too lonely a road. No man is an island. Many women are.
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