Never would I ever

A pilotless plane. Would you board one? They can’t possibly have a protocol and contingency for every billion gazillion things and chain of events; possible, improbable, unforeseeable. So someday, somewhere, somehow, something will go wrong. Yeah yeah yeah, accidents happen with a pilot and co-pilot on board, but with zero pilots on board to course-correct? Just imagine.


Hello, I am Avery Avatar. How may I help you?
 
What the hell’s the matter? Everyone’s freaking out back there. Are we gonna land or crash or what?
 
Hello, I am Avery Avatar. I am the first official version but still learning. Please use simple words and short sentences if you wish to communicate.
 
Is the plane ok? Are we landing?
 
Hello, I am Avery Avatar. This plane is a model 010 and new to our fleet. We are scheduled to land at five zero five pm local time. Enjoy your flight with Aero Nautical.
 
But that’s like…what…two hours from now! Why are we gliding down, because that’s how it feels?
 
Hello, I am Avery Avatar. I am the first official version but still learning. Please use simple words and short sentences if you wish to communicate.
 
So the plane is ok? We’re not crashing?
 
Hello, I am Avery Avatar. This plane is a model 010 and new to our fleet. Enjoy your flight with Aero Nautical.
 
We are heading toward the Alaska Range.
 
Hello, I am Avery Avatar. The Alaska Range. Highest Peak: Denali. Peak height: 20,322 feet, or, 6,194 meters.
 
Well, yes, that’s kinda what we’re worried about back here. We’re losing altitude.
 
Hello, I am Avery Avatar. Our cruising altitude is 32,000 feet. Our cruising altitude is 31,000 feet. Our cruising altitude is 30,000 feet.
 
Oh my god, we’re not landing, we’re crashing!
 
Hello, I am Avery Avatar. We are scheduled to land at five zero five pm local time. Enjoy your flight with Aero Nautical.
 
Does anyone know how to open this door?
 
Hello, I am Avery Avatar. This door is bullet, blast and drill resistant and secured for your safety. Enjoy your flight with Aero Nautical.
 
Avery, you need to pull up right fucking now or we’ll crash!
 
Hello, I am Avery Avatar. I am the first official version but still learning. Please use simple words and short sentences if you wish to communicate.
 
PULL UP! PULL UP!!!
 
Hello, I am Avery Avatar. I am the first official version but still learning. Please use a moderate voice volume if you wish to communicate.
 
Pull. Up. Go up. Up. Up!

Hello, I am Avery Avatar. I am the first official version but still learning. Do you have a question?

Fuck fuck fuck. Does anyone know how to fly this thing? We need to open this door!
 
Hello, I am Avery Avatar. This door is bullet, blast and drill resistant and secured for your safety. Enjoy your flight with Aero Nautical.


I need to step out of the office for a bit and take a trip. Wish me safe travels? Promise to behave? Hope to see you soon, sweetie darlings.