The Few. The Proud. The Morons.

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" 

Have you outlined your contingency plan yet, or perhaps carved it in stone, chopped off the precious piece, made several duplicates and put them in a safe place? No? Me neither, I realized, when put to the test. Compared to the most diligent strategists, I'm a moron and not a major in mitigation.

For someone who has never entertained illusions of immortality, I'm alarmingly underinsured on many levels. There are wishes I've made known to my family. Certain things I keep repeating to and reminding my loved ones of so they don't have to second-guess or, worse still, never hear me say them. Wouldn't want my last word or thought to be "D'oh!" Then there are things I hadn't even thought about. 

Hubby's sister called asking if we could meet without the kids, theirs or ours. She and her husband wanted to talk to us about something. She sounded so serious we thought it had to be something awful, but she refused to say more over the phone. After several days of sweaty-palmed hand-wringing, a sigh of relief, but we still needed a moment to digest.

What they wanted to know was this: If anything ever happened to them, meaning if they both died in some freaky or plain unlucky accident, would we raise their children? They wanted us to be very sure of our answer because they would then make it clear to both set of grandparents this is their express wish.

I could be elected President of the Universe and it would be nothing compared to their vote of confidence. We, who had never considered what would happen to our wee ones if anything ever happened to us. We, the Los Dumbos of crisis management, and still they were willing to trust us with the lives and future of their children. Our answer? A resounding "Yes."

You can dread. You can hope. Think somewhere a clock is ticking or know every beat of your heart. Different endgame, same result. Life goes on.  

"'Supposing it didn't,' said Pooh. After careful thought Piglet was comforted by this."
A. A. Milne

Out with the new, in with the old

I popped into the arts and ents section of The Sunday Times Online looking for an article. Noticed the first Sunday Times EFG Private Bank Short Story Award instead, an article titled: "Erotica author in running for short story award." The caption beside the picture of said author tells us she is a former glamour model. Under the caption there is a link titled "A Terrible Story." By this time Dita is a) intrigued? b) disgruntled?, or c) both? I had never heard of writer Kay Sexton. If I've seen any glam shots of Ms. Sexton, I don't remember them. I fail to see a connection or the relevance.  

She is one among twenty writers long-listed. But is she on an equal footing? If your past endeavors were highlighted, if the reader was reminded you also write genre fiction under pen names while running against well-established authors, if the image gallery contains prize winners, renowned interviewers, novelists and playwrights, and your caption read neither writer nor author but former this and that, wouldn't you be able to just feel the love? What does it matter what she used to do? If they're not showcasing the long-listed story, what else are they doing besides being obvious?

Somebody tell me I'm seeing things that aren't there. Tell me they aren't screaming "Are the pages of our publication to be thus polluted?" between the lines. "A Terrible Story?" (The link takes you to a short story by Hanif Kureishi. "A Terrible Story" had nothing to do with Ms. Sexton's piece. It was all in my mind, not in the interesting layout. If it's indeed a noteworthy theme in a writer's career, they failed to mention how much sex factors in Kureishi's books. Love Kureishi. Hate double standards.)

Tell me I'm paranoid and I'll forever hold my peace. Until you do, I'll be feeling uneasy, the way I do every time someone suggests I'll never be taken seriously if I keep up writing genre along with literary fiction, every time I'm informed I'm wasting my time on entertainment.

You know what? It's not my mission in life to fulfill someone else's expectations or ambitions. I need to read and write in both the art and the entertainment segment, if you must make a distinction, and obviously there still is one, a very loaded at that. Fine. Just don't hang your hang-ups on me. I'm a selfish being doing what I want to do most because doing otherwise would be self-deception. So is saying that one form of writing is not as self-indulgent as the next, that some are more right or righteous somehow. There is no objective meter for these things, but there is room for everyone. Give it a rest. I promise to when you do.  

What was I looking for, before I got derailed? An article on the digitization of tens of thousands of nineteenth century works of fiction from the British Library. That means both the arts and the ents segment, my friends, everything from Victorian classics to the infamous serial stories, free of charge and segregation, hmm, provided you own a Kindle.

Can I get a witness

Cute and well-endowed in the cerebral department, what more could a woman want? Today, I have mad love for two men. One might find it odd since we don't know each other (I'm almost quite normal, promise, Mr. Brandhorst!), the other knows it very well but does not mind being reminded.

We have a "I heart Tim Brandhorst" thing going among Ellora's Cave authors this week for his article in DBW. He not only managed to see Raelene Gorlinsky and Jaid Black for the brilliant and business savvy women they are, but to take a dispassionate approach to the merger of passion and hard work at work throughout Ellora's Cave from authors to back office to end product.

Why wouldn't we be happy to hear what he had to say when it's all true? Not that I have a comparison as far as erotica publishers go, but I have no complaints or regrets either, far from it, EC and yours truly madly deeply have gotten along swimmingly!

Oi, J! If you're spying on the Missus on this important date, I didn't forget, only saved the best for last. I know what you're thinking and what you'll ask, so: No, we're not that old, they're only numbers, and yes, I would love to double the years. You will always be my dream come true.

I do owe one more man another set of thanks, though. Hadn't it been for a party he threw, Hubby and I never would have met. So thank you, dearest B, and happy birthday.

Free eBooks!

Now that I have your attention, I'm diverting it to my alma mater of erotica for details, but here's the catchphrase and the catch: BOGO. To give as good as you get, buy an eBook at 10 percent discount from the monthly selection and a free copy of that book will be sent to a friend, along with a personalized greeting card from you. 

2010 marks the tenth anniversary of Ellora's Cave and there's more than a day or two of wicked fun in store, ladies and gents, it's an entire year of devilishly delectable deeds done in deets, and the sales and contests to go with it. 

Those of you for whom romance without sex is like alcohol-free wine, on the light side if not utterly pointless/unconvincing/deficient/all of the above, should accept no substitute, especially this year. As for those of you still on the fence... It really is greener on this side, red-hot actually, so don't fight us. Join us for the joyride!

All for fun and fun for all

Wonderful weekend ahead, folks! Plenty of reasons to have fun and celebrate another day of living and another day of life, another


Well-earned weekend (unless you're working, but since it isn't a given these days, good for you!)

Saint Valentine's (see A league of extraordinary gentlemen for pointers on alternative modes of celebration)

Chinese New Year (Metal Tiger, which means... I have no idea what it means)

The 21st Winter Olympics (we might run out of those sooner than we'd like, so get it while it's...not too hot)

Insert your favorite pastime/waste of time/road to ruin here

Little sis giving birth any day now (neither here nor there for y'all, but awww, it's a baby, one I won't have to squeeze out, only enjoy, a cause for celebration, surely), just in time for 

Carnaval!!! To be in Rio right now, but if I could be in Salvador or Olinda...damn! 


If you hate crowds, and people in general, don't approach Brazil during carnaval. But if a hotspot of fun is your cuppa, you won't need batteries to keep you going, the baterias will keep you up all night, day in, day out. If you still need a pick-me-up, ask for Indian Viagra (not to be confused with counterfeit drugs from the South Asian subcontinent). 

I think they banned those beverages, though, at least in Olinda, because it extended your happy hour to a week without sleep. It doesn't necessarily mean it's not available. But you don't need a drink to enjoy yourself or to stay awake, I promise. Leave your valuables, your hang-ups and any lingering cynicism home and dance to the rhythm of the saints. 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go see a wholesaler about some party foods. I told you, plenty of reasons to have fun this weekend, several reasons to be glad you're alive, to enjoy the company of friends and family, or silence, if that's your pleasure. It can't be wasted time if you enjoyed wasting it, right?