Osculation, "the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in a state of contraction,"* smooching, snogging, the prelude, interlude and postlude of platonic, romantic and erotic encounters alike. Kissing. You can't write a romance novel without some, and it's impossible to imagine a romantic relationship, any close relationship really, without any.
I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.
~Jonathan Swift
Well, Jonathan, since you asked, Mother Nature. Kissing may well have evolved from the mouth-to-mouth feeding practices of primate mothers who chewed food for their young. Or/and Mother Nature saw it fit for the process of mate selection, because as philematologists** will tell you, a kiss is not just a kiss. It's a complex, multi-sensory exchange of information by way of taste, smell, touch and pheromones. You are not aware of it while at it, but you're in fact tonsil-deep in exploration for clues not only into another person's genetic makeup but the current status and future of your relationship.
A man's kiss is his signature.
~Mae West
Biologist Claus Wedekind found that the more different a man's genetic code immune system is from a woman's, the more attractive, or unatractive, she will find him. How do women detect those proteins? Via a man's scent and taste. Which explains the inexplicable, i.e. why some people turn you off the minute you kiss them. Fifty-nine percent of men and 66 percent of women say they have ended a budding relationship because of a bad kiss.***
Before I take out all the romance out of something very romantic, kissing is more than nature's reproductive litmus test. The messages it carries to your brain evoke an euphoric response you can feel from head to toe. Dopamin, serotonin and oxytocin all rush through you, raising your heart rate, dilating your blood vessels, sharpening the senses and your desire, elevating your mood and making you borderline obssessively focused on and attached to your partner. It's not only lust that kissing propagates, it's love.
Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other.
~Rene Yasenek
Kissing is a good indicator of how your relationship is doing. Says evolutionary psychologist Gordon Gallup: "In an established relationship, the frequency of kissing is a good barometer as to its status. If it's no longer featured prominently or is entirely absent, there's a much higher probability that the relationship is in trouble." Kissing is an act of flirtation and foreplay, it's an expression of caring and tenderness, it conveys love and desire. It can be soft, slow, long and tentative, it can be hard, take-charge, deep and urgent. You won't remember each and every one, but you will remember the first one. And when there are none to be had, they are sorely missed.
So. Sex drive (ruled by testosterone), romantic love (ruled by dopamine) and attachment (involving bonding chemicals like oxytocin). Anthropologist Helen Fisher says kissing evolved to fulfill all of these three needs. Customs, styles and techniques abound, but the need to kiss appears universal. More than 90 percent of known cultures kiss romantically. It brings lovers closer together, it inspires artists, it's a language that transcends time and borders.
Soul meets soul on lovers' lips.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley, Prometheus Unbound
I did save the best news for last, meaning that of course you don't have to consider science or worry about tomorrow while kissing. All you have to do is let nature take its course and enjoy the joyride. Your next week's mission, should you choose to accept it, is to kiss with a vengeance. Write a sonet with your lips on theirs. Write a symphony with your mouth all over their body. Easy on the teeth and tonsils, okay? Going straight to tonguing and thrusting can be an explosive, spontaneous encounter, but try working up to it if you can. Vary your approach, the place and your pace. Brush with your lips. Brush with your tongue. Suck gently. Suck intensely. Explore. The only limit is your imagination.
Sweet smooching!
"A kiss is one of the most potent stimulants that a man or woman can indulge in...and is more intoxicating than strong wine."
~Sheikh Nefzawi, The Perfumed Garden
* Dr. Henry Gibbons
** scientists who study kissing
*** research conducted by Gordon Gallup of the University of Albany
Dita Parker
Friday, November 4, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
Halloween dress down
Looking to
dress up this Halloween, thinking about something naughty? This is what
the ladies have to choose from, just to flash a few:
If you insist on going out half-naked in this weather, you can't go wrong with these items, now available at Netpinky.
And for the gents (and decidedly not available at Netpinky):
Hmm. There's naughty and then there's naughty and there's something wrong with this picture. I think I'll keep my clothes on until I can figure out what it is. Until then, have a fun Halloween and a fantastic week, sweetie darlings!
If you insist on going out half-naked in this weather, you can't go wrong with these items, now available at Netpinky.
And for the gents (and decidedly not available at Netpinky):
Hmm. There's naughty and then there's naughty and there's something wrong with this picture. I think I'll keep my clothes on until I can figure out what it is. Until then, have a fun Halloween and a fantastic week, sweetie darlings!
Friday, October 28, 2011
Assume the asana*
Technically, it's still Friday, so how about we strike a pose, dearest denizens, and go at it from every angle with another Frisky Friday! Ready? Assume the position.
What do you say to a guy who tells you that monogamy is beyond him, it's like eating the same meal every single day? A man who brags about the high frequency and amount of his conquests (proof he is a Great Lover, as if quantity has anything to do with quality) and that his married friends are missing out? All I could think of was he had to be really bad in bed. Of course I didn't say that to his face, but I did say something to the effect that obviously he didn't know how to cook.
You don't need a hundred cooks, you only need a hundred recipes, tried and true, for a versatile, satisfying diet. That applies to the bedroom as well as the kitchen, Casanova. But I know it's easy to fall into a rut, rotate the same few recipes because you can do it with your eyes closed/the lights out, you're in a hurry, you don't have the time or the inclination to start learning new ones.
If they're your favorite could-eat-this-and-nothing-else-for-the-rest-of-my-days recipes, go for it. Enjoy! But if you feel like trying out something new and different every once in a while but are not quite sure how, that's where cookbooks and sex manuals alike come in handy. The problem: we are spoiled for choice. So where do you go for sound but sexy advice? Which sexpert do you listen to with everything from the classics such as the Kama Sutra to specifics like The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus/Fellatio and The Best Illustrated and Most Innovative Step-By-Step Guide for a Pleasurable Path to Anal Sex to choose from? Where do you start?
My suggestion: start with the classics and progress to the specifics if and when you feel like it. There's a good reason the Kama Sutra ("the science of pleasure") is a classic. It's known as a sex manual, but it's more than a how-to handbook. Only a small part of its text is devoted to technique, the rest is erotic wisdom. It does give practical instructions on how to use different sexual positions to lend variety to lovemaking, but it's also about the senses and intimacy and sensuality, it deals with foreplay and seduction, and above all mutual pleasure, something lost on our loverboy from the beginning of the post, focused on satisfying his own needs as he was.
The text may be 2,000 years old but it's strikingly modern in it's treatment of and approach to the sexes, so don't write if off as so last millennium and counting. Times may have changed but the human body has not and for example the sections on genital size are very helpful if he's too large/small for you, or if she's too small/wide. (The Kama Sutra separates men into three types according to the size of their penis and women into three categories depending on the depth of their vagina.) The bad news: some unions are more satisfying than others. The good news: there are highly pleasurable ways to work around this. The Kama Sutra recommends positions for every possible union, something anyone who's ever suffered discomfort during sex can appreciate.
Depth and angle can make all the difference if you or your partner have any sort of physical limitation, say a disability or you're pregnant. If sex causes pain or discomfort of any kind, for any reason, it tends to limit the repertoire of sex positions and it forces you to get creative when having sex. Again, a manual can point you in the right direction when you search for what yields the most pleasure and the best results.
The Kama Sutra has seen many rebirths and been given countless interpretations. You're pressed to find a sex guide not inspired or influenced by it. Fast forward to modern times and Western shores...The Joy of Sex: A Gourmet Guide to Lovemaking, (are you paying attention, Mr. Lothario? gourmet guide), which you may or may not have accidentally on purpose taken down from your parents' shelves, is the modern equivalent to which many if not all subsequent volumes on the subject owe a debt.
If you're waiting for a list, I'm sorry to disappoint you but I don't have one. I meant to compile one, even started one, then realized most positions in today's manuals are variations on the basics covered in the classics, so unless you're in the market for Coitus for Contortionists (yeah, it's all fun and games until someone pulls a muscle) you're not likely to find anything revolutionary. Still, in a rut, they can be a sex life saver. You can feast on them, make a multi-course meal out of them, or have a light snack. They are also perfectly good aphrodisiacs and appetizers, sensory stimulation.
They can add variety to your routine but keep in mind that as with any large menu, you probably won't like everything on it. I encourage you to experiment all the same. Find your favorites, what you enjoy most, together, and don't worry too much if a particular position doesn't feel right or work for you. Move on. Do whatever feels good and natural. Make it up as you go.
Bon appétit! Have a sexcellent weekend. And keep thinking those sexy thoughts.
*position
What do you say to a guy who tells you that monogamy is beyond him, it's like eating the same meal every single day? A man who brags about the high frequency and amount of his conquests (proof he is a Great Lover, as if quantity has anything to do with quality) and that his married friends are missing out? All I could think of was he had to be really bad in bed. Of course I didn't say that to his face, but I did say something to the effect that obviously he didn't know how to cook.
You don't need a hundred cooks, you only need a hundred recipes, tried and true, for a versatile, satisfying diet. That applies to the bedroom as well as the kitchen, Casanova. But I know it's easy to fall into a rut, rotate the same few recipes because you can do it with your eyes closed/the lights out, you're in a hurry, you don't have the time or the inclination to start learning new ones.
If they're your favorite could-eat-this-and-nothing-else-for-the-rest-of-my-days recipes, go for it. Enjoy! But if you feel like trying out something new and different every once in a while but are not quite sure how, that's where cookbooks and sex manuals alike come in handy. The problem: we are spoiled for choice. So where do you go for sound but sexy advice? Which sexpert do you listen to with everything from the classics such as the Kama Sutra to specifics like The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus/Fellatio and The Best Illustrated and Most Innovative Step-By-Step Guide for a Pleasurable Path to Anal Sex to choose from? Where do you start?
My suggestion: start with the classics and progress to the specifics if and when you feel like it. There's a good reason the Kama Sutra ("the science of pleasure") is a classic. It's known as a sex manual, but it's more than a how-to handbook. Only a small part of its text is devoted to technique, the rest is erotic wisdom. It does give practical instructions on how to use different sexual positions to lend variety to lovemaking, but it's also about the senses and intimacy and sensuality, it deals with foreplay and seduction, and above all mutual pleasure, something lost on our loverboy from the beginning of the post, focused on satisfying his own needs as he was.
The text may be 2,000 years old but it's strikingly modern in it's treatment of and approach to the sexes, so don't write if off as so last millennium and counting. Times may have changed but the human body has not and for example the sections on genital size are very helpful if he's too large/small for you, or if she's too small/wide. (The Kama Sutra separates men into three types according to the size of their penis and women into three categories depending on the depth of their vagina.) The bad news: some unions are more satisfying than others. The good news: there are highly pleasurable ways to work around this. The Kama Sutra recommends positions for every possible union, something anyone who's ever suffered discomfort during sex can appreciate.
Depth and angle can make all the difference if you or your partner have any sort of physical limitation, say a disability or you're pregnant. If sex causes pain or discomfort of any kind, for any reason, it tends to limit the repertoire of sex positions and it forces you to get creative when having sex. Again, a manual can point you in the right direction when you search for what yields the most pleasure and the best results.
The Kama Sutra has seen many rebirths and been given countless interpretations. You're pressed to find a sex guide not inspired or influenced by it. Fast forward to modern times and Western shores...The Joy of Sex: A Gourmet Guide to Lovemaking, (are you paying attention, Mr. Lothario? gourmet guide), which you may or may not have accidentally on purpose taken down from your parents' shelves, is the modern equivalent to which many if not all subsequent volumes on the subject owe a debt.
If you're waiting for a list, I'm sorry to disappoint you but I don't have one. I meant to compile one, even started one, then realized most positions in today's manuals are variations on the basics covered in the classics, so unless you're in the market for Coitus for Contortionists (yeah, it's all fun and games until someone pulls a muscle) you're not likely to find anything revolutionary. Still, in a rut, they can be a sex life saver. You can feast on them, make a multi-course meal out of them, or have a light snack. They are also perfectly good aphrodisiacs and appetizers, sensory stimulation.
They can add variety to your routine but keep in mind that as with any large menu, you probably won't like everything on it. I encourage you to experiment all the same. Find your favorites, what you enjoy most, together, and don't worry too much if a particular position doesn't feel right or work for you. Move on. Do whatever feels good and natural. Make it up as you go.
Bon appétit! Have a sexcellent weekend. And keep thinking those sexy thoughts.
*position
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Sweet dreams (are made of this)
Had to wait for almost a year but it finally happened. Got a visit from my grandfather, the gentleman I lost last November. I didn't see him in the dream. We talked on the phone and he told me there was somewhere I should go. He even gave me the address, or rather the name of a street. There's no such place (I checked), not verbatim, it's just a metaphor, but for what, that's for the subconscious to know and my conscience to find out. I just think it's interesting my mind chose him to deliver the message. Still, it was good talking to him.
I've been looking forward to this because it's not the same as looking at photos or reminiscing, it just isn't and I can't explain why. But the feeling of peace after one of those dreams...it's the closest to heaven you can get on this earth, or the closest I imagine I'll ever be. It's beauty and happiness of the bittersweet kind; you wake up smiling only to realize it was just a dream. Oh well. Such is life.
Another dream is a little closer to becoming reality, I see the finish line with this latest Romantica of mine! Doesn't that just make me wanna sprint when what I need to do is pace myself, gracefully glide across that line, not head-on with my tongue hanging out, my limbs about to give and with the taste of blood in my mouth. God I miss a proper workout. My shoulder is doing better but my foot is still shot. It turned out to be worse than I initially thought but it'll heal. If this is the Universe forcing me to stay put, BICHOK, it's working. Give me a limp et hop, I'll give you a book.
But who was I kidding thinking I could ever write full-time. No one literally writes full-time, it's exhausting, as fun but as draining as a proper workout. You can only go full throttle for so long before you have to recoup and replenish. I will admit to being a bit impatient to submit this book, though. Get it over with. Not because I'm sick of it but because I can't wait to see how it goes over with my editor. Big or lead balloon, I've liked the book all along, I've enjoyed working on it. Even when it's given me grief I've wanted nothing more than to sort it out. Wish me luck, will you? Then again, what's luck got to do with it?
Sleep tight, sweetie darlings. May the plot bunnies bite.
I've been looking forward to this because it's not the same as looking at photos or reminiscing, it just isn't and I can't explain why. But the feeling of peace after one of those dreams...it's the closest to heaven you can get on this earth, or the closest I imagine I'll ever be. It's beauty and happiness of the bittersweet kind; you wake up smiling only to realize it was just a dream. Oh well. Such is life.
Another dream is a little closer to becoming reality, I see the finish line with this latest Romantica of mine! Doesn't that just make me wanna sprint when what I need to do is pace myself, gracefully glide across that line, not head-on with my tongue hanging out, my limbs about to give and with the taste of blood in my mouth. God I miss a proper workout. My shoulder is doing better but my foot is still shot. It turned out to be worse than I initially thought but it'll heal. If this is the Universe forcing me to stay put, BICHOK, it's working. Give me a limp et hop, I'll give you a book.
But who was I kidding thinking I could ever write full-time. No one literally writes full-time, it's exhausting, as fun but as draining as a proper workout. You can only go full throttle for so long before you have to recoup and replenish. I will admit to being a bit impatient to submit this book, though. Get it over with. Not because I'm sick of it but because I can't wait to see how it goes over with my editor. Big or lead balloon, I've liked the book all along, I've enjoyed working on it. Even when it's given me grief I've wanted nothing more than to sort it out. Wish me luck, will you? Then again, what's luck got to do with it?
Sleep tight, sweetie darlings. May the plot bunnies bite.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Maybe I'm amazed
Dita can't come to the blog right now. She has discovered the secret to BICHOK and it's bodily harm. She has harnessed all the restless surplus energy to polishing and submitting her latest piece of Romantica, and boy oh boy what a difference a sprained ankle and pulled shoulder makes! We wish her a less-than-speedy recovery and many mild injuries in the future!!
When asked about Frisky Friday and that SWOT analysis on sex positions/guides she'd been sketching, the answer was a terse and tight-jawed "Not. Now." We'd better leave her to it then. Who knows? Maybe she'll produce something publishable this time around. What was that? Totally unprintable and uncalled-for, is what it was. Temper, temper! Or a touchy subject, hmm? Hmm?!
Oh well. So that your sojourn wasn't a total waste of precious time, we'd like to offer you one of Miss Parker's favorite time robbers: male athletes in various stages of dress. (FYI: the clips contain sound. Some would go as far as to say music.)
Hmm. That doesn't impress us much, Señor Nadal, as lovely as it was. Most people are half the tennis player you are, maybe even less, but most people can run and take their shirts off at the same time. But. What Rafa and most of us can't do is what the talented Mr. Walters does at 0:59 and 0:57, respectively.
Now stop staring and get back to work.
When asked about Frisky Friday and that SWOT analysis on sex positions/guides she'd been sketching, the answer was a terse and tight-jawed "Not. Now." We'd better leave her to it then. Who knows? Maybe she'll produce something publishable this time around. What was that? Totally unprintable and uncalled-for, is what it was. Temper, temper! Or a touchy subject, hmm? Hmm?!
Oh well. So that your sojourn wasn't a total waste of precious time, we'd like to offer you one of Miss Parker's favorite time robbers: male athletes in various stages of dress. (FYI: the clips contain sound. Some would go as far as to say music.)
Now stop staring and get back to work.
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