Dita Parker

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Horndogs and gentlemen, players and player haters

May I have the attention of the class, please. Today's lesson: The art of giving a sincere compliment.

Do not, I repeat, do not start out by saying "You're not my type." Bad intro. Baaad bad bad. Heard yourself saying so? Sweet baby Jesus, do not repeat what you just said. Believe me, that's an opening line sure to catch her attention, and I don't mean in a good way. I mean the Okay-Getting-back-to-my-drink-now-I-think-I-need-another-Thanks-for-the-compliment-If-you-don't-have-anything-nice-to-say-you-have-the-right-to-shut-the-hell-up kind of way.

So. Do not follow up by stressing how "You're really not my type." Yes. Thank you. She heard you fine the first time and is now waiting for a list on all the ways in which she really isn't your type/for that drink to arrive/to see if she'll waste it on the insides of your pocket because the thought crossed her mind/for her friend to get back from the ladies', and what the hell do other women do there anyway, it's taking forever.

Two wrongs don't make a right, gentlemen. "But you're a very sexy woman," after you've just told her you're not that into her, won't turn the game in your favor. Since you don't really fancy her, that was probably not your objective to start with, but, and I can't stress this enough, if your intention was to let her know you do find her attractive, despite all the ways in which you don't, enough to approach her and speak your mind, why oh why oh why didn't you just say so?

Class dismissed. Behave.

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