Dita Parker

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Fever pitch

In two days, the greatest show on earth kicks off. I'm talking about the FIFA World Cup in South Africa, a month's worth of football. 

I spent my childhood in Brazil where football is not just a sport, it's a religion. You haven't been to a match until you've attended one in Brazil. All those threatening me with a Liverpool kiss: I'm sorry but you really haven't. And I can't use the word soccer. When it's always been futebol, soccer sounds like a foreign word to me. (Besides, it's played with your feet, as opposed to some other forms of "football" around.) So I'm deamericanizing this blog, Brazilianizing it and calling the game what it is, football. Okay? Okay.

I rarely watch sports on TV, but when Brazil plays, don't bother trying to reach me, okay? Okay. You don't watch any, either? Can't get excited about football, don't understand what's all the commotion, or the game? 

Crash course à la Dita: the anatomy of a football dream(boat) team, courtesy of talented players from all over the world (give me an A for effort, there's only one Brazilian in there...), men you can catch on your sports channel starting this Friday.

What you need to get your game on:

A coach. This sharp dressed gentleman is Germany's Joachim Löw.



A goalkeeper. Meet England's David James.



You need defenders. I'm going with 

Rafael Marquez from Mexico.



An American, Carlos Bocanegra.



and Italy's Fabio Cannavaro.



You also need midfielders. Would these do, do you think?



That's Cristiano Ronaldo, Portugal.



Freddie's Swedish.



Brazil's own Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite, better known as Kaká.



The Wizard of Oz, Australian Harry Kewell.


You will also need strikers/forwards. I'm thinking


Didier Drogba (Ivory Coast), the king of African football.




Spain's David Villa.



And a classic, French Thierry Henry.



And now you have yourself a team. Game on!



Yes, I know he won't be playing. Yes, that is only there to add to the shameless display of gratuitous nudity and to make a point you may have already caught on. Football is obviously not gainful employment. Many a fine player has found himself in the glossy pages of some magazine or other modeling this or that and sometimes not much at all. Q.E.D.

Vai Brasil!!!

See you all there in 2014?

2 comments:

Lynne Connolly said...

Poor old Drogba! Playing with a broken elbow!
I'm English, so speaking from the other side, but not, because I love, love, watching Brazil and the other South American teams play. It's going to be a thrilling month, whatever happens.
Can't understand why Wayne Rooney isn't in your parade of lovelies! (mind you, on the pitch, he's one of the most beautiful sights in the world, even though his best beefcake pose is with his jersey over his head!
Here's to a great tournament!

Dita Parker said...

Hey there, Lynne, thanks for stopping by and welcome to my den!

Yup, I sure hope Drogba makes a speedy recovery, I would love to see him play the Brazilians.

And I'm sorry but Wazza doesn't do it for me, he just doesn't. Two Davids don't make up for that?

It's going to be a very good month...